goals

So I have to set some goals here because I feel like I'm getting (going) nowhere.

First, I really have to get serious about SOS. I'm going to study every day. It's ridiculous that I haven't even taken a test yet. I'm not sure what to expect from the test and it paralyzes me in the studying. I need to get over the unknown and take a damn test.

I'm also going to take my GRE this year. We re-examined our budget this year and although we have no money for tuition I need to at least hunker down and study for the GRE. I can't figure out what I want to do. I mean I have dreams but reality isn't compatible with my dream. The fact of the matter is I'm almost 40 with young kids. It's a little late for starting a new career from scratch. Deal with it.

Finally, I need to refresh my Spanish. I will watch Telemundo or read Selecciones or something!

I'm giving up my computer for Lent. I think that should help in my endeavors of productivity.

losing hope

I'm frustrated with recent developments in gov't. So much so that I can't listen to NPR or talk shows. I'm giving up.

I'm starting to believe that most people are receiving medical care for conditions that are preventable. Maybe preventable conditions shouldn't be covered by any insurance. If you have diabetes because you're fat, perhaps you should have to be a healthy weight to get medical care, to include medicine. I work with a guy on a zillion meds basically because he's fat, refuses to exercise, and smokes. He had a heart attack last year followed by bipass surgery. Why should anyone have to pick up the slack (help pay his medical bills) when he's constantly stuffing pork rinds and cheese danishes in his face? Of course he's anti-health care because he's retired military on Tricare. He's convinced the only people denied access are lazy, unemployed, welfare recipients. I guess he doesn't realize those people are already COVERED by Medicaid.

I also think hospitals and doctors should post the prices of every single procedure or exam. You can choose what doctor you see, what tests you get, and where you get them. If you don't want to give up your cheese danishes and cigarettes you can make an informed decision and know how much they're costing you. I mean that's free-market capitalism at its finest, right?

And? Don't even get me started on the Supreme Court. I can't wait until the US becomes a third world country with no middle class.

And why is congress so completely impotent?

I realize, of course, my plan isn't a good one but I'm annoyed...

no haitian vacation

In the early 90s my squadron deployed to Eglin in anticipation of invading Haiti. We didn't invade and when everyone finally came back the trip was dubbed "The Haitian Vacation". They flew a couple of times but mostly the crews came back with drinking and strip club stories. I didn't go because I was still in training but I remember Jessica went. She was kind of bummed because she was underage at the time.

I got an email from the Reserves asking for volunteers to go to Haiti. I really wish I could go, understanding that it would never be called a Haitian Vacation. I tossed the idea around for a bit before I realized I couldn't do that to my family. I wish I could though. I feel like there's always a reason that I miss out on that kind of stuff.

I started bootcamp again, I went for the first time in over a month yesterday. My golly, I'm sore!

I'll be watching the election returns in MA today.

tsk tsk

It has been unbelievably cold here. The other day the high temp was -4. Driving in the morning my car's temperature gauge was hitting -15. School was closed three days again which was a total pain because I'm doing my annual tour right now.

I'm always toying with the idea of going on orders for three months to make some easy, extra money but when I attempt the juggling act during my annual tour I remember why I don't want to work nine hours a day, five days a week. Trying to pick the kids up from different locations, make it to piano lessons, fix dinner... it's too much stress. It's not that we couldn't do it, it's just I'd never have a meaningful interaction with my children during the week. I still would like to do something but I don't know what that will be or when. I've been kicking around the idea of preschool for Ralphie two days a week when the next school year starts. Maybe I could take some classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I also think of working somewhere part-time where I want an employee discount. A high-end department store or a luxury hotel chain, either of those would be good. I love posh vacations, expensive clothes, and expensive furniture... things I'm doing without.

Well, not entirely doing without. I recently made a purchase that I have been telling myself for years was dumb. I bought a expensive purse with Christmas money that I pooled with a couple of disability checks. I was giddy over the purse and am fully aware of the ridiculousness of it. It's absolutely stupid to spend so much money on a purse but I can't help feeling inadequate around other women that have huge designer bags.

I've heard and read that such purchases don't bring lasting satisfaction but I disagree. According to a study I heard a while back you should spend money on experiences, tangible items don't bring lasting happiness. Supposedly the feeling you get when you buy a certain car or whatever fades but not so in my case. I'd always wanted a European car and although that sucker is eight years old, has over 100,000 miles on it, frequently needs tweaking, and isn't worth what a two-year-old Focus is I still love having it.

I guess it's a testament to my inner shallowness. Which I'm okay with. ;^)