Work Stinks

Well, the whole NCOs working half days was resolved after I tattled but there's a whole 'nother slough of problems that are ticking me off. Number one, I am always amazed at everyone's lack of ambition. That said, I'm no ambitious Fred myself but I make most of these people look like complete slackers. Even with my incessant stupid comments and laughter. It's enough to make me want to scream, at least today.

I got an email from my friend Holmy and he might actually come over from England to visit. I wonder if he could make it in time for the Fest, he could bring Chuck too. No way, but maybe next year. Holmy at the Fest would be hilarious. I wonder how many girls he'd get to show him their boobs. He used to have an annual Halloween party that MooMoo and I would make asses of ourselves at. Hmm, maybe that was just me. I don't really recall. Stupid homemade beer all being lots of different brews that I wanted to try.

Stupid frozen chicken, too... taking until after 8:00 to cook. Now Sam gets to mow down dinner and head straight to bed. I love getting home at 6:30. I should go, I'm really crabby tonight. Mostly I'm crabby because the NCOs got screwed royally tonight. The same NCOs I tattled on, but they didn't deserve what they got today. They should have a competent SMSgt taking care of business instead of f-bombing them over.

Stolen from Moby

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.
Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

Heehee. I love it! (Still laughing!)

GOL!

Here's a picture of Sam as the goalie last week. Imagine this with some Power Ranger moves and Rhino sound effects. Anyway, he got a couple saves and had a couple misses. By the way, that's how you spell goal in español. I am officially bored silly and avoiding housework and a shower.

Today's Accomplishments II

I've decided not to go to the luncheon even though I RSVPed. I'm just hoping Col Menzel doesn't give me crap. I ate a huge breakfast an hour ago and there is no way I can eat lunch in an hour, plus I really feel like laying around and working in a nap or reading. Both, yes both.

It's getting cool here and I love it. Sweaters, jackets and the smell of burning wood. I can smell wood burning right now and it's comforting... making me think of Christmas plans. I also can't wait to go skiing again. It's great watching Sam and hearing him scream with delight. Then going in and getting hot chocolate... I definitely need to retire near mountains and snow.

Now the big decisions. Do I nap on the couch or completely surrender to my bed? Shower now or later?

Today's Accomplishments

I wonder what I'll get done today. Who has money on nothing? Me. I did manage to water plants yesterday, that was my big day.

I signed up to go to luncheon that I don't want to attend anymore because it'll totally ruin my opportunity for a nap. Plus, the menu is a soul food buffet. As a yankee I can't hang. I won't be able to eat the ribs because a couple weeks ago I tried to grill ribs myself and now the thought of eating them makes me nauseous. My cooking has that effect...

I hear Sammy finishing up his Peanut Butter Captain Crunch so I'll have to finish up. Can anyone believe I'm in charge of dressing someone else? I was at the mall yesterday looking for some temporary orange hair color for Sam. I asked a couple women at a salon and they think I'm crazy for wanting orange hairspray. (I was saying orange with a German accent and making spraying motions around my head, kind of funny.) Whatever, it's for my 4-yr-old's mohawk-like hairdo. Really. I guess I'll ask my dad to send some and then see what happens when I send Sam to Kindergarten on post. Experiment=Sam ;^)

Watch Out Hollywood, Here We Come!

Sam and I filmed one of those cheesy Holiday Greetings from the troops things this afternoon. I know friends and family will be shocked but I made a complete ass of myself. At least it's only going to be shown in Tallahassee where I know 3 people. Sorry MooMoo, but I didn't send it to Omaha. I know way too many people there. When I finished the Sgt First Class was taking my mic off and kept shaking his head saying, "Why did you do that, Ma'am? Why did you do that?" Um, cuz I like to giggle and look dumb? No rehearsal, no retakes. It was awesome. When I told my mom she laughed and said at least it'll truly be Jennifer! Fo' shizzle! I just hope it really shows off my double chin, that'd be the best.

Distracted Lately

Today, I'm going to be bored and lonely because of the time zone thing and the person I've put in charge of entertaining me the last couple weeks is out of town. It's really going to suck when my entertainment returns home permanently in a couple weeks. I'm not going to have fun anymore and I'll just sit here thinking about the fun I used to have. Really ticks me off but what can a girl do? Oh yeah, nothing.

Too bad all the single CGOs stationed here are dorks. I don't mean a little on the dorky side, I mean dorks. The girls are all desperate attention whores and the guys, well... dorks.

Isn't a long entry today because I got in late and I have to go down to the brief in a few minutes.

I agree

I don't care, Mickity is right... 50 Cent is hot.

PB&Js

The last two days Sam has come home from school with his lunch largely untouched. I make him a PB&J everyday (it's his favorite) and then put in a couple other little side items like raisins, grapes, carrots, applesauce, etc. I asked him last night why he hasn't been eating his lunch and he finally (I say finally because he couldn't just cut straight to the truth, some mechanism that comes with the penis I think) told me that he found out he didn't like the bread. "It has big chunks in it I don't like," he explained. I switched to some very hearty whole grain bread last week instead of the run-of-the-mill wheat bread. I tried telling him all those chunks were good for him but he's not interested. I can either keep sending him with sandwiches he won't eat or switch to bread that isn't as good for him. Either way, I think I lost the battle.

I would just like to tell Yagopuchae that I wasn't trying to blow him off at BK this morning. I couldn't tell for sure if it was him and I didn't want to continue staring. Recall the story of waving at Maj Rudy and heading over to talk to him? Oops, not Maj Rudy.

Sleepy...

I'm tired today and I have 10 more hours of this shift, I don't know what I'm going to do. It's one of those days where I have no motivation... Sammy has a game today so I'll go pick him up for a bit even though it's illegal for me to leave my post that long. What are they going to do, fire me?

Stayed out late last night because I was enjoying myself too much to go home. Oh well, it was worth it. Weird though because I feel like I spent a night drinking when I didn't. Maybe I'm getting sick, or maybe I'm just too old to hang with the whippersnappers. ;^)

Looks like it's going to be a slow day so I'll probably make a couple more entries but now I'm off to get Pele.

Change...

This morning I got up and got a cup coffee but almost all of my mugs were dirty, only about three clean ones in the back of the cupboard. I used one that I bought right after I arrived in Stuttgart and it got me to thinking about how much has changed already.

The coffee mug reminded me of the dungy hotel room we lived in for a month after we got here. The room smelled funky when the coffee pot was on, like old grease. I used to quietly get out of bed, get some coffee and turn on the news real low so as not to wake Sam. I may have preferred to watch something else but the only English channels were CNN.

I was so sad, lonely and lost when I got here. I was depressed that I was in the land of Riesling without my friend. I was sad about a stupid boy and scared about what I was going to do about daycare in a place where I didn't know anybody. I was afraid of how all the changes would affect Sam, he was even sadder without his friends. It broke my heart to hear him talk about what Bayardo and Michael did that day when he hadn't seen them in weeks. Lt Col Turner was right though, kids are more resilient than we give them credit for.

I'm just glad it has all passed. Now we have a place that feels like home and Zephyr who has been a Godsend. I will miss her when she's gone, she's funny and has some good stories... I know I'll miss having someone to talk to at the end of the day, too. Her future is completely open and I'm curious what she'll be doing in 10 years. We'll see.

Pay Attention

I was slacking last week after the soccer game but here's a picture of what my dad calls Little Pele. So cute. He has practice tonight and we'll see how it goes. The biggest challenge is getting a 4-yr-old to pay attention to the ball and stop showing off Power Ranger moves.

This morning Sam and I were walking to the bus stop and talking about how cold it was. He was bragging about his warm pockets when I noticed I didn't have pockets and my hands were cold because I was carrying a mug of coffee and my keys.
"Here, Mommy. I'll put your keys in my pocket." (sweet innocent face)
"No, sweetie. If we put them in your pocket I'll forget and you'll get on the bus with them. You'll take my keys to school."
"No, I'll remember to give them back to you." (again with the sweet innocent face)
"Okay. Here."
The bus pulls away from the curb and I chat with another mom for a while about the new AFN schedule and what shows will be on. We bid adieu and I turn to start home so I can take Zephyr to work. Hey, where are my keys? AHH. MY KEYS!! The best part is Sam and I totally saw it coming. Apparently, it's also a challenge for a 32-yr-old to pay attention to her keys.

False Alarm

This morning while trying to get to my blog it kept telling me you are not authorized for this site. I had convinced myself that some jerks were out to kill my fun but it magically started working again. (Just as the analyst had predicted...)

My laundry skilz need some work, I'm wearing mismatched socks today because I have a pile of clean laundry and a pile of dirty laundry in my bedroom. I was digging around for socks in the dark this morning and couldn't find a match. I could have gone downstairs and gotten a pair from the dryer but it's freezing down there! Plus big spiders... big as my head!

New Friends

I need to make new friends in other time zones. This sucks, I'm ready to get to slacking but Mickity, my dad and sister are all sleeping until like 1400L. Stupid time zones, all getting in the way. The majors are back so I don't even have the substitute Ops O to play with!

I was so mad this morning. I thought the Oprah season premiere was tomorrow but it was this morning so I missed all but a few minutes of the Jennifer Aniston interview. I'm ticked, been looking forward to that for a couple weeks now. Zephyr will be disappointed too because I was supposed to tape it. It's an exciting life I lead.

My poor analyst got to hear my AF Ball stories twice already today. Public opinion is I'm not very smooth when I'm trying to hit on Airmen that I used to work with. I was told I need to practice my lines in a mirror or something. I'll have to try that...

Housework

Ice Cube helping to get the housework done. He'd probably retire from the mic if he knew people like me were listening to him. ...Today was a good day, I didn't even have to use my AK. (giggle sweep giggle)

Queerbait!!

I love it! I've recently been in contact with an old friend and we had so much fun. I forgot my nickname was Queerbait until he called me that in an email. So funny! What? I can't date gay men? I hope we get to visit.

I have a love/hate relationship with This Week. Ever since I read George Stephanopolous' book he's irritated me but I love Cokie and George Will. Yes, I love George Will even though I disagree with almost every opinion he has. I get so annoyed when I watch the show but I look forward to seeing it. I'm also ticked because I missed the beginning when they had Clinton on. I'm a groupie, I just think he is a brilliant politician.

Time to climb the mountain of laundry in my bedroom, plant a flag and declare it my own. Ugh.

Big Weekend

I have much to write but I'm running low on time and ambition. Here's the abridged version.

Sammy's team lost 6-3 but it was very cute and funny. Any thoughts I had about how I hadn't done a very good job of coaching last year are gone. I was way more organized and did more research which is saying quite a bit to anyone that has ever met me. My biggest traumas were that I kicked the ball in to Sam's face during the warm up and forgot his coat, it was 49 degrees. Good mom.

Went to the ball last night and Mickity should have been there with me. I was on the dance floor getting my groove on when my flask fell out of my pocket and on to the hard wood floor. Clangy clang clang clang... Twice. Oops. Stupid alcohol. Tops in Blue performed and I saw Daroca's name and picture in the program. I got up from dinner to look for him and wound up with an armed MP taking me through the kitchen to the area backstage. While people were looking for him to bring him out it occurred to me at the last second that he might not remember me. He came out, remembered me and gave me a big hug. Very unexpected. While making small talk I asked if he was still single and he got uncomfortable, I think he thought I was hitting on him. Embarrassed Jen.

After the big evening I hopped on the shuttle bus returning to post and played a good game of Scrabble. ;^)

This Morning

I was laying in bed this morning after my alarm went off try to gather the ambition to start my day when I had some random thoughts.

I started thinking about nursing homes and why do they always smell like urine? Maybe I would take Sam to nursing homes to visit the elderly but they smell terrible. Then I remembered when I was a girl scout we used to go to the home about once a month and we were paired with an old person. Some girls got old grouches that didn't want anything to do with a gang of little girls but I got Ethel. I really liked Ethel and she was always very nice to me. Even after the scouts quit visiting I would still see Ethel on occasion and my mom was a phlebotomist so she saw Ethel fairly regularly.

I remember one Christmas Eve before going to my uncle's house my whole family stopped by the nursing home. My mother had crocheted a blanket and I gave it to her all wrapped up as present. She was very grateful but I remember feeling bad because she was spending Christmas Eve alone and we were all dressed up for a party. I don't think I ever saw her again but a few years later my mom told me died. She died with that blanket.

I hope I never get old.

Slap a Bizzo

I want to slap a bizzo I work with but I think it would make work counterproductive. That's all.

Mi nene (otra vez)

So Sammy will have his first soccer practice this afternoon. Too bad I have to work but maybe I'll be able to slip out for a few minutes. I found his little shin guards and everything! Cutie cutie.

I've realized many of my posts are about Sam... I'm going to be real short on conversation in about 13 yrs. Oh well, at least I'll still be a good dancer.

My job is boring and I want to do something else. Even if there is something to do I'm so unmotivated... I should have stuck with the jumping out of airplanes job I had lined up in the Army, mmm... infantry. :^)

I'm starving but the mess dress is tomorrow night. I'm going to celebrate Sunday with a big pan of brownies! Mickity will love that I volunteered to be an escort tomorrow night. I didn't have a date and I figured it would serve as a distraction. That way I wouldn't just be standing around wanting to puke because I felt so self-conscious. Anyway, looks like I'll get to spend the evening schlepping drinks for Generals. Why did I pay 25 Euro to attend this again?

Haircuts

Maybe I should just start cutting my own hair, then I'm the only one to blame. The haircut I got today is reminiscent of the haircut I got in Argentina where I had to get a bob when I returned to the states. Ugh. I've come to the conclusion that Europeans don't know too much about styling hair. Everyone's hairstyle appears to be circa 1992.

Stayed up too late and got up too early so now I don't feel like doing anything. If I was at work I'd put my head down on my desk but since I'm home I lay on the couch fretting over what I should be doing. Should I take a nap? How long before Sam gets home? What shoud we do when he gets home? I need to take snack-o stuff to work but then I'd have to fix my hair and put makeup on. I need to put the computer desk together so I don't have to sit on the floor hunched over the keyboard anymore.

My sister passed her final test to be a broker so congrats to her. I suggested she get a blog, too. Then she could be one of the cool kids.

I think I should throw out all the baby stuff I have stored downstairs, it's ridiculous. I always hear about people throwing it away and then becoming pregnant a month later, not that there's any chance of that... but still. I saved ALL Sam's baby clothes, bedding and decorations. Hmm.

Someone just buzzed at the door and I had a scare. I thought a coworker had ridden his bike to my house again but fortunately it was just a delivery for some neighbors. Greg doesn't need to see me hanging out in my sweats!

Frustration

A coworker has a blog and I can't find it, it is driving me INSANE. There's no way to search for it and he's been teasing me all day. Oh, Andy Rooney is on... later.

Working Another Weekend

So after yesterday's brilliant blog entry I'm scratching my head trying to figure out what I want to say for today.

I ate a nasty frozed dinner for lunch because I am trying desperately to drop a few pounds before the AF Ball. I want to squeeze in to my Mess Dress Saturday without the cool wrinkles and puckers around the hips and belly where it's so tight I can't move/breathe. Ixnay on the atfay. (Heehee, "Ixnay on the haha!") When is chubby going to be in style again? Stupid men, all thinking Giselle is hot.

I'm trying to learn Pashto, so cool. So hard. I know how to say a few words and can sometimes recognize a word but I can't figure out the alphabet. The Rosetta Stone course doesn't get bogged down with small details like teaching you the alphabet and sounds first, you jump right in. At least I'm finally trying to do it. BTW, Pashto is spoken by 25-30 million people mostly in Iran and Afghanistan. I can't wait to take a vacation and try using my new language skills. I am SO going to blend! I attached a picture of Iranian Jen at Oktoberfest, so funny.

A friend of mine, Fitz, just arrived at Laughlin for pilot training. I saw a picture of the front gate posted on his website. He's all talking about how there's nothing there but at least he'll be flying 75% of the time. He's more worried about his wife. I'm like, "Hello, you remember talking to Bitter Jen?" I told you how much Laughlin sucked on a DAILY basis. Not to mention I could easily live without ever having to communicate with another pilot! Stupid AF, being all full of pilots.

Can't believe 9/11 was four years ago. Administration has really done a number on those terrorists.

Today's Thoughts

I love pee shivers.

I hate gray hairs.

Oops I Did It Again

There's someone I work with that is obsessed with snagging a man. She knew someone a couple weeks before he deployed to CENTCOM. The whole time all she did was talk about him. He quit emailing her shortly after he left... I cannot overemphasize he was ALL she talked about for months.

Anyway, he came back and didn't call her. She ran in to him at a carwash and he didn't even stop vacuuming to talk to her. Much more to tell but she said she wanted closure and I told her a rumor I heard. He met a stewardess from the Czech Rep (similar to Check Rep) he was trying to bring her back with him. She burst in to tears, we are talking about a Marine officer... at work and in uniform. She went down to the Ops Brief crying. Mind you, she hasn't been out with him since Feb and he didn't call her after being deployed 3 or 4 months. He's obviously not head over heels in love with her, not even interested if he's not calling or emailing.

She called me at 9:30 this morning after working all night and demanded to know who told me. I refused to tell her and she hung up on me after promising to interrogate the entire base to find out who told me. She already interrogated two coworkers and is making us both look stupid. The person who told me is pissed because I was specifically told not to say anything. Stupid mouth with its impulses!

Lesson I learned: I'm an ass.

Big Day Over

Sam's home from his first day of school and he did great. I spent the day trying to email pictures to my parents.

He came home with a form for me to sign saying he was eligible for ESL classes. I thought, "Wow, he's knocking them dead with the German!" Then I kept reading and saw it was because of paperwork I filled out when he registered. I remembered marking him down as hispanic. Hahaha. Wait til the Dr. in charge of the ESL evaluations sees my little cholo!! My experiment is going swimmingly! (Experiment=Sam)

School Starts Tuesday

I can't believe Sam starts school day after tomorrow. I went to the open house for kindergartners, this is going to be more work than I anticipated. I have to sign up to bring snacks for the entire class about once a month, remember what days are gym days, pack his lunch when they're serving junk food (looks to be about four days a week), deconflict transportation schedules and stay on top of his homework (code named "activities"). I fear I'll be the one to fail kindergarten!

Still no word on when I'm supposed to change jobs or where they're going to put me. They just asked for my leave plans in Dec so that doesn't bode well.

Sidenote: Can you believe how much weight Missy Elliot has lost?

I went to downtown Stuttgart yesterday looking for the wine festival. Didn't find it, I don't know if I was told the wrong location or if it's over. I was all excited to try a bunch of German wines and didn't get any.

The other night I tried applying some self-tanning lotion, I don't know why I bother. It smells gross, even the expensive stuff. I put some on and went to bed, the stench woke me twice even though I only put a little on. When I woke I couldn't really see a difference except I spot on my thigh where I had sprayed too much. So I'm still white and pasty except for a big ORANGE patch on my right inner thigh. That'll bring the guys running!

'Nother Sidenote: How did Eminem get famous? He has got to be the least talented rapper out there. (I ain't never seen an ass like that... My slinky goes da-doying-doying-doying??) Take it from J-dawg, I could come up with better raps!

Well, time to go buy a Batman costume...