goals

So I have to set some goals here because I feel like I'm getting (going) nowhere.

First, I really have to get serious about SOS. I'm going to study every day. It's ridiculous that I haven't even taken a test yet. I'm not sure what to expect from the test and it paralyzes me in the studying. I need to get over the unknown and take a damn test.

I'm also going to take my GRE this year. We re-examined our budget this year and although we have no money for tuition I need to at least hunker down and study for the GRE. I can't figure out what I want to do. I mean I have dreams but reality isn't compatible with my dream. The fact of the matter is I'm almost 40 with young kids. It's a little late for starting a new career from scratch. Deal with it.

Finally, I need to refresh my Spanish. I will watch Telemundo or read Selecciones or something!

I'm giving up my computer for Lent. I think that should help in my endeavors of productivity.

losing hope

I'm frustrated with recent developments in gov't. So much so that I can't listen to NPR or talk shows. I'm giving up.

I'm starting to believe that most people are receiving medical care for conditions that are preventable. Maybe preventable conditions shouldn't be covered by any insurance. If you have diabetes because you're fat, perhaps you should have to be a healthy weight to get medical care, to include medicine. I work with a guy on a zillion meds basically because he's fat, refuses to exercise, and smokes. He had a heart attack last year followed by bipass surgery. Why should anyone have to pick up the slack (help pay his medical bills) when he's constantly stuffing pork rinds and cheese danishes in his face? Of course he's anti-health care because he's retired military on Tricare. He's convinced the only people denied access are lazy, unemployed, welfare recipients. I guess he doesn't realize those people are already COVERED by Medicaid.

I also think hospitals and doctors should post the prices of every single procedure or exam. You can choose what doctor you see, what tests you get, and where you get them. If you don't want to give up your cheese danishes and cigarettes you can make an informed decision and know how much they're costing you. I mean that's free-market capitalism at its finest, right?

And? Don't even get me started on the Supreme Court. I can't wait until the US becomes a third world country with no middle class.

And why is congress so completely impotent?

I realize, of course, my plan isn't a good one but I'm annoyed...

no haitian vacation

In the early 90s my squadron deployed to Eglin in anticipation of invading Haiti. We didn't invade and when everyone finally came back the trip was dubbed "The Haitian Vacation". They flew a couple of times but mostly the crews came back with drinking and strip club stories. I didn't go because I was still in training but I remember Jessica went. She was kind of bummed because she was underage at the time.

I got an email from the Reserves asking for volunteers to go to Haiti. I really wish I could go, understanding that it would never be called a Haitian Vacation. I tossed the idea around for a bit before I realized I couldn't do that to my family. I wish I could though. I feel like there's always a reason that I miss out on that kind of stuff.

I started bootcamp again, I went for the first time in over a month yesterday. My golly, I'm sore!

I'll be watching the election returns in MA today.

tsk tsk

It has been unbelievably cold here. The other day the high temp was -4. Driving in the morning my car's temperature gauge was hitting -15. School was closed three days again which was a total pain because I'm doing my annual tour right now.

I'm always toying with the idea of going on orders for three months to make some easy, extra money but when I attempt the juggling act during my annual tour I remember why I don't want to work nine hours a day, five days a week. Trying to pick the kids up from different locations, make it to piano lessons, fix dinner... it's too much stress. It's not that we couldn't do it, it's just I'd never have a meaningful interaction with my children during the week. I still would like to do something but I don't know what that will be or when. I've been kicking around the idea of preschool for Ralphie two days a week when the next school year starts. Maybe I could take some classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I also think of working somewhere part-time where I want an employee discount. A high-end department store or a luxury hotel chain, either of those would be good. I love posh vacations, expensive clothes, and expensive furniture... things I'm doing without.

Well, not entirely doing without. I recently made a purchase that I have been telling myself for years was dumb. I bought a expensive purse with Christmas money that I pooled with a couple of disability checks. I was giddy over the purse and am fully aware of the ridiculousness of it. It's absolutely stupid to spend so much money on a purse but I can't help feeling inadequate around other women that have huge designer bags.

I've heard and read that such purchases don't bring lasting satisfaction but I disagree. According to a study I heard a while back you should spend money on experiences, tangible items don't bring lasting happiness. Supposedly the feeling you get when you buy a certain car or whatever fades but not so in my case. I'd always wanted a European car and although that sucker is eight years old, has over 100,000 miles on it, frequently needs tweaking, and isn't worth what a two-year-old Focus is I still love having it.

I guess it's a testament to my inner shallowness. Which I'm okay with. ;^)

Winter Fun

Is this not the cutest little man face?

time off

Why is my time off so busy? I'm off of work and the kids don't have school yet I'm running around everyday from right after breakfast until 3:00 in the afternoon. Schmitty has basketball camp from 1200 - 1400 and I run (shopping) errands the whole time. I'm taking him here and there to spend his Christmas money. At least basketball camp is over and he's broke. ;^)

I keep walking by my houseplants thinking that I haven't watered them in two weeks and they're dying, I'd better go water them. On the way to the sink I inevitably become distracted and forget.

Ralph is a little sick, he's got a gross cough and a low-grade fever. I hope he gets to feeling better soon.

record books

This holiday will go down in the record books. First, our refrigerator stopped working a few hours before our family was due over for a holiday party on the 21st. Completely kaput, no worky. We persevered but still no fridge in the kitchen.

Next, we left NE a day early because of an expected storm bringing sleet and freezing rain. We got to OK before the storm, good news. Bad news, it was the worst storm EVER in OKC. It was the most snow ever in OKC, it broke all sorts of records.

We picked out the perfect tree at a tree farm, Schmitty and Yago cut it down themselves. We put it up Christmas Eve but the tree was too small for the stand so it kept tipping over. After a few hours Yago and his father tossed the tree out the front door on to the porch. Really, not kidding. Christmas Eve we took all the lights and ornaments we had put on just a couple of hours earlier and tossed it outside.

Finally, on Saturday my car went over an embankment of snow and was damaged. I think some hoses were torn off... So my car in at a garage in Tuttle, we drove my mother-in-law's car back to Omaha.

I'm hoping the repairman calls today with a fix for the fridge. Otherwise, that might wind up on our front porch.

holiday creep

I can't believe how quickly the holidays creep up on me. If I think about it too much I become overwhelmed with all the stuff I have to do. I have to just take it one day at a time... We finally got the tree up yesterday so now it's just midget and frog wrestling.

Also creeping is my weight. No boot camp again until Jan 4 and all the cookies and sweets are taking their toll.

I've got to go pick up the boys from school. I chant, "Serenity now, serenity now." all the way home. The play/bicker/fight so loudly that it drives me crazy. At least they know I'm serious about the no-throwing-things-while-I'm-driving rule, finally.

i did it

I knew I would and last night I finally did it. I used the R word in front of my neighbor while telling a story. It happened just how I thought it would, after a few drinks and telling a story about how dumb I am. I couldn't tell what her reaction was but I feel very bad. I truly am dumb.

love them

I finally got a pair of Uggs today, the gray cardigan ones. I was supposed to spend my birthday money on them but when I got to the register I couldn't find the cash. That reminds me, I really need to find it.

Yago gave me free reign to go shopping for myself so off to the mall with midget in tow. He was losing patience while I was looking at boots when he heard another mother tell her child that they were going to get chicken nuggets. From then on it was, "Chic-ken nug-gets." from Ralphie. I told him if he behaved we'd get some. It worked for the duration of boot shopping but by the time I was ready to look for apparel it was over. We got some nuggets and headed home. He's currently still in the car, in an apparent nugget coma. A midget nugget coma. ;^)

rockin the 80s

So I decided last week to get a perm. Why? What was I thinking? I was thinking I had limp hair that could maybe get some loose curl and body. Wrong-o. Huge mistake. It's kinky and frizzy and takes twice as long to do. I feel it breaking every time I run a comb through it. It's pretty awful but I'm trying not to spend much time thinking about it.

Today I'm supposed to get a color since I couldn't color and perm on the same day. I want to get rid of all the bleached highlights but that means going dark for a while. It's not what I'm accustomed to and that didn't turn out so well last time either. I colored my hair pretty dark during the end of my pregnancy with Jake. Ugh.

doodling

Ralph and I went to Whole Foods today. While I was getting out of my car I noticed a dog in the SUV parked next to us. The dog was chewing on a bone but accidentally dropped it out the cracked window. I picked up the bone as the man inside the SUV called out that he'd get it. I returned the bone to the dog and asked about the breed. It was a goldendoodle, cute as a button. It was a happy, mellow dog. Makes me wonder what happened to ours...

patrick kennedy

I'm a little confused by the tea-baggin' crowd protesting Patrick Kennedy. I saw the cnn.com headline of someone holding a sign that says you can't be catholic and pro-abortion.

First, is anyone really pro-abortion? You may be pro-choice but I don't know anyone that's pro-abortion.

Secondly, you can't be catholic and pro-death penalty either. Is the bishop asking all the Republican Catholics to skip communion if they're in favor of the death penalty? If he has I haven't heard about it.

the strangest date

Last Wednesday I met someone for dinner. Someone I never thought I'd have dinner with... before you get too excited it was a girl.

We were in the same squadron for years but never really talked to each other. I went TDY for five months, came home and heard through the rumor mill that she was dating my "boyfriend". He, of course, denied all allegations and I was left not knowing what to think. Well, I knew what to think but was in deep denial. Anyway, this went on for a long time and for years the other woman and I never spoke to each other. Not because of rage or jealousy, just because it was awkward and uncomfortable. The OPSTEMPO helped, it seemed one of the three of us was always deployed.

She sent me a friend request on FB a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised to say the least. Turns out she's in the process of moving back to Omaha and has a three-year-old boy.

As I was getting ready to meet her at the restaurant I felt weird. It felt like I was getting ready for date or something. I wanted to look nice but not like I was trying too hard. Yago laughed at me. But seriously, I had worked that day and didn't want to keep my hair in a bun but if I took it down I had to fix it... I even tried to call Jessica in a panic because I had no idea how it was going to go.

So I had a strangely good time. I hope we get together again.

yesterday's thoughts

Yesterday I was at work talking with someone I knew from the 97th Intel Sq. We were discussing a mutual friend who recently got divorced. The woman I was talking with said something about how you never really know what's going on in someone's personal life. Relationships have their ups and downs, no relationship is perfect. I sat nodding in agreement but really thinking about how I honestly have not a single complaint. I think my marriage is great. I'm still waiting for the struggle.

hey internet

Hey, how you been? I've haven't been around for a while, I've been busy but I still love you. No te preocupes.

Boot camp this morning was fun, there was a camera crew (man) there. That wasn't so fun, you can look forward to seeing my white fleshy belly on youtube somewhere. On the bright side, I won a gift certificate for holding a wall squat the longest.

I started work again and that's been a bit stressful, mostly because I'm a terrible comm officer. I'm supposed to write a CONOP on IT funding prioritization, ick. I'm beyond clueless with composing a CONOP.

Well, I'm going to spend some time with Ralphie before I go in to work today. He's a cute little guy, you've never seen someone so happy about a haircut before!

getting back on the wagon

I blew my diet big time yesterday... Ice cream, blondies, mexican food for dinner. I'm experiencing some remorse today. I need to work out and do a practice pt test to see where I'm at but who knows if I'll I get there today.

After further examination of the new test I don't think I'll have to take it this year, it doesn't start until January and I'm due in December. Whew. I should still be able to rock the 30 push-ups in a minute.

That's another thing, I was reading the website about how they came up with the new standards. It said that they used a study of average Americans and made the 50-60th percentile the standard. I think that's bs. I find it hard to believe that the average American can run 1.5 miles these days. I look around and am astounded.

The midget is demanding something of me but I can't for the life of me understand what he wants...

last day

I joked to Yago yesterday that today was my last day of "summer vacation" because I start working half days tomorrow. I tried on my new ABU pants this morning and they seem to fit okay. I was worried because when they came in last year they tight. Maybe it'll keep me from buying my two bags of Fritos in the afternoon... it became my habit last year.

I also looked at the new PFT requirements, it's going to kick my butt. They changed how they score: the run is 60%, body composition 20%, push-ups 10%, and sit-ups 10%. The age groups don't go in five year increments anymore either: under 30, 30-39, 40-49, etc. That stinks. Also, to max out push-ups I have to do 46. Last year I maxed out at 30 and it about killed me! 46? What girl can do 46 push-ups? I haven't met her. Ever. I'll try timing my run on Saturday but it'll be less than stellar, I've never been very quick.

Boot camp is going great, I wish I knew someone around here that could go with me. Chas is bringing in a camera crew in a couple of weeks to film us. Eww. Who wants to see me at 0600 sweaty with no makeup and unwashed hair? Yago doesn't even want to see that!

Tonight Yago and I are sitting down for our annual budget review. Isn't that funny? He cracks me up. Of course our fiscal year is that same at the military fiscal year. He really is funny.

two thumbs up

That's what I give the movie Eragon for nap quality. Man, that's a great movie to fall asleep to. Schmitty's tried a couple of times to watch it with me but I can't resist the sleepy feeling. Luckily a couple of neighborhood kids stopped by as I was slipping away...

Schmitty's friend from last year was supposed to spend the night tonight but it hasn't worked out. The kid called a couple of weeks ago and asked if he could spend the night, I said I'd pick him up from school on the 25th. Never heard anything from the mother and when I tried to call his new school they didn't have classes today. All the phone numbers I could find have been disconnected so I guess that's that.

We had parent-teacher conferences today, they went well. I took the kids to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, I always forget how expensive it is. Almost $40 including the tip for one adult and two kids, and I ate an appetizer with water to drink. (Thai Chicken Lettuce Wraps) I wanted to eat something that wouldn't be too bad for me or my diet.

I start working next week, from about 1030 - 1430. We'll see how that goes, it's hard to believe the new fiscal year is already starting.

I need to get started on the pizza for tonight. I'm making arugula, prosciutto and artichoke pizza (pepperoni for the boys).

my butt

I got my butt kicked at bootcamp this morning. I'm liking it though. It's more interesting than getting on the treadmill downstairs but not as economically sound. At the end of today's session we were told the goal was for everyone to finish the six-week session. Usually there are one or two dropouts. I was thinking, "There's no way Yago would let me drop out after plunking down the money." Not that I want to but it still amused me to think about coming home and telling Yago that I didn't feel like going anymore.

Schmitty's having a tough time with the retainer. It's making his teeth hurt but after just two days you can see a dramatic difference in his gap. He's really not happy with it though. I feel bad for him but it's hard to be sympathetic when he's so darn grumpy! I think I managed to cheer him up this morning.